By Tunde Odesola
Four eyes lock in combat. Two belong to a snake. The other two belong to a former President, whose lipless mouth, pointed nose and slit eyes are snakelike, too. In a swift reversal of roles, the hunter has become the hunted, both locked in the ultimate battle.
Measuring over two meters, the king cobra regularly visits Bubu Farms in Katsina to gobble up eggs and devour chickens. On this fateful day, the ex-president, Bubu, himself is on a secret inspection of his farm when he sees the cobra slithering into the poultry section.
“Damboro ba shege! So, na you, dis snake, dey chop my eggs and chickens? You will die today,” Bubu swears at the snake.
But the king cobra will not go down without a fight; a cornered cobra is deadlier than death. The snake hisses loudly and flares his neck muscles into a hood, raising one-third of its body off the ground, warning: steer clear!
But Bubu grew up in the village hunting snakes, lizards, birds and rodents. He flung off his babanriga, together with his cap and Rolex wristwatch in one fell swoop on the floor. “You’ve been chopping my eggs and chicken. Today, I will chop you,” Bubu vows.
The ex-president fetches a machete as the cobra coils up, swinging its hooded head left-right, right-left like a flame in the harmattan wind. Neither foe looked away from the other.
As a retired soldier, Bubu considers his options quickly; he knows it is suicidal to move near the reptile with his short-range machete. Eyes fixed on the snake, which begins to uncoil, Bubu tears off a long branch from a cashew tree beside the poultry and lunges forward.
Seeing the stick in Bubu’s hand, the snake raises its head higher and spits twice at his face – twaaah, twaaah – missing the eyes narrowly as Bubu, even though old and gaunt, smartly ducks his head but the venom lands on his neck, leaving him with a burning sensation.
Bubu throws down the stick, momentarily scratching his neck, picks the stick up again, and runs after the fleeing snake heading towards the nearby iroko tree. Bubu shouts, “I go kill me today! I go kill me today!”
A herdsman and farmer, Bubu had just cleared and tilled his farm, so there was no debris or hay to harbour the snake. It was plain hectares of farmland and cattle and poultry. The snake flees. Bubu is in hot chase.
Suddenly, the assailant stumbles, o-u-c-h, but he falls not. The assailed snake doesn’t look back, gaining some distance; the iroko tree is within reach, and the serpent raises its head to ascend the tree to safety.
“You cannot escape, you serpent, you cannot! Ba zu ku iya tserewa ba, ku maciji,” Bubu screams. He runs faster, raising his stick in the air, and takes a whack at the snake as it begins to climb the iroko, aiming for the head. But the serpent is wiser. It wraps its body around the tree and keeps its head on the other side away from Bubu’s view and reach, moving on unseen legs upwards.
Bubu moves round the tree to aim at the head of the snake but the snake moves its head away to the side where Bubu was before. Bubu runs around the tree to aim at the snake’s head, the snake, in turn, moves its head away from Bubu’s view, climbing higher, both Bubu and the snake swirling in opposite directions around the iroko until the snake disappears to the top of the tree. You duck my spit, I duck your stick.
As Bubu watches the snake snaking up the tree, he sees a load tumbling down from the iroko, he ducks just in time by stepping away from the crushing weight of the load. The load crashes to the ground gboooah. Bubu’s jaws drop when the load turns into a human being! It is Amboke, the former factory worker, who lost his wife, three children and job about six months ago.
Bubu: Amboke, so its you? It’s you who has been entering my farm to steal my eggs and chickens?
Amboke: No, old soldier. I’m sorry, sir. I’ve never stolen anything from your farm, though I came here today looking for food. I climbed the tree when I suddenly saw you, I didn’t know the snake was going to climb the tree.
Bubu: Sorry for yua sef! You’ll be prosecuted for premeditated trespass and acts bordering on banditry, terrorism and kidnap of farm produce and livestock. You’re one of the useless youths I was talking about.
Amboke: No, sir. I’m a graduate but I lost my parents and young family to the boat tragedy on River Niger after losing my job when the Indians that own the textile factory where I worked relocated to Ghana.
(Security operatives swooped on the scene, rough-handling Amboke.)
Bubu: I caught this thief by myself, using my military expertise. I want him charged to Sharia court immediately. Me, I have forgiven Amboke’s body but his legs will go and tell the Sharia court why they trespassed on my farm. Jangebe’s hand was cut off for stealing a cow in the year 2000. I shall leave the judiciary to do their job diligently.
(A great noise builds up outside the gate of Bubu Farms)
Bubu: What noise am I hearing? Can’t I retire in peace? I will relocate to Niger Republic o!
(Head of the guards, Adalu, steps forward, and gives a salute)
Adalu: It’s the masses, Your Excellency. They are protesting the arrest of Amboke. They’re saying your wife, children, friends and lackeys are the ones responsible for the collapse of the farm, and not youths like Amboke.
Bubu: Go and give them the Lekki treatment.
Adalu: We can’t, sir. We need to clear that with your successor, sir.
Bubu: Give me my phone, I’ll call Bourdillon myself.
(Outside the farm, youths have made bonfires and barricaded the roads. Their leader, Gani, was making a speech)
Gani: (Sings) Soli, soli, soli….Solidarity forever, solidarity forever…, we shall always fight for our rights!
(The crowd screams as another comrade, Pius Adesanmi, arrives and bursts into another song)
Pius: (Sings Fela Anikulapo’s song) Many leaders as you see dem, na different disguise dem dey o, animal in human skin, animal wear agbada, animal put suit…
Gani: Wake up, Nigerian youths! You must begin to ask questions and challenge these charlatans who have eaten your destinies! They have taken you for idiots. They said a former god of the national treasury, Goddy Emefiole, stole billions of dollars and cornered 753-duplex apartments, under whose government did he steal it? How can you investigate Emefiole without investigating Bubu and his righteous deputy?
Pius: The anti-corruption fight of the Boudillon administration is all a ruse. All na scam! Why hasn’t the EFCC named the cronies who own some of the apartment 753-duplex apartments with Emefiole but they are quick to name only Emefiole?
Gani: Yes, Emefiole’s crime was trying to stop Bourdillon’s emergence as president, nothing more. America jailed R Kelly, Mike Tyson and other world-renowned citizens, including billionaires who ran foul of the law. Can that ever happen in Nigeria? Many former governors, senators, ministers etc have been on trial since 1999 to date. A holier-than-thou former president and his Ori o gbade deputy spent billions of dollars to import darkness from an American firm, yet they are walking free today. This is the country where the wife of a clueless leader, Mama Peace, had to do plea bargaining and pay back illegal proceeds.
Pius: Amboke must be freed! Amboke symbolises the tragedy of the Nigerian masses. Say no to gluttons in power. Say no to Next-of-Kin Nigerian Democracy Plc! All their children are billionaires. Nigerian masses, fight for your rights! God will never come down to build Nigeria. He never came down to build any country. Nigerians will build the Nigeria they want.
Written by Tunde Odesola and first published in The PUNCH, on Friday, December 6, 2024)
Email: tundeodes2003@yahoo.com
Facebook: @Tunde Odesola
X: @Tunde_Odesola
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