A Cow Will Make A Better President

By Bayo Oluwasanmi

With the spate of mass killings and mass destruction taking place in Nigeria, there is no one in charge. General Muhammadu Buhari, the absentee President of Nigeria, has no shame, no conscience, no backbone, and no integrity. Buhari has completely lost his way.

When the president, reps, and senators act like animals, Nigerians believe actual four-legged creatures would make great leaders. Nigerian voters frustrated with rats in politics turned to another option for 2023: a black-and-white even-toed hoofed bovid named Cacareco Cow for president. Can a Cow run for president? Why not? Can a Cow become the president? Of course, yes! If Buhari could run and win the presidency, a Cow is doubly qualified to run and become president.

Although the Cow wasn’t formally listed on the ballots as a candidate, many voters wrote his name in. Nominated for president by the Vegetarian Party of Nigeria (VPN), Cow attracted two million likes on Facebook, six million followers on Instagram, 10 million disciples on YouTube. At first, the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) didn’t allow Cow on the ballot, but with a million fans and supporters, INEC bowed to the fame and popularity of Cow. With the nomination of Cow, Nigerians declared that a Nigerian four-legged creature named Cacareco Cow was more qualified to run for office than any of the candidates running for president.

A local goat named Boer has been appointed as the campaign manager. According to Boer, INEC confirmed that Cow’s nomination was approved having verified his age requirement and educational qualifications. The 100-year-old Cow is now a candidate for the 2023 presidential election. Besides launching a campaign website and accompanying social media accounts, Cow has caught some media attention, nabbed an endorsement, and even inspired a line of campaign swag.

“Cacareco Cow is a candidate we can all get behind! Now it is the turn of the Cow!” the VPN website announced. The slogan of the VPN is: “They elect a president, and he kills the people. We are going to elect a Cow that the people will eat.” If Cow is elected president, it will mean a paradigm shift in the political history of the 62-year-old troubled country. Nigerians are convinced that Cacareco Cow will be a better president than General Muhammadu Buhari whose tyrannical regime is reputed for genocide, ethnic cleansing, poverty, unemployment, corruption, insecurity, and other unthinkable barbaric killings never witnessed in Nigeria. Nigerians can’t wait for Cacareco Cow to take over the affairs of the country!


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