Let’s Have Minister For Wholesale Looting Of Nigeria

By Bayo Oluwasanmi

Nigerian politicians are nothing but lousy, thieving looters. These looters are not constrained by shame, custom, or the will of their constituents. With unrestrained impunity, they just grab what they can and run with it. The sheer size of their looting makes it impossible for anyone to hold anyone accountable.

Since President Muhammadu Buhari came to power in 2015, we have watched his regime descend into full-scale looting of Nigeria. Members of Buhari’s regime have enriched themselves personally with reckless disregard for any kind of remorse or consideration of public opinion. The spree and the speed of looting in Buhari’s administration is unchecked by norms or political prudence.

Once upon a time, the arrival of Buhari was heralded as a new Sheriff in town that will put corruption under arrest. He was believed to be the anti-corruption Czar Nigeria has been waiting for. But events soon proved both the Sheriff and his deputies wrong: In reality, the fish rots from the head! The Sheriff was not all we were told he was. In fact, he’s fighting the war of corruption by using a mosquito gun to kill an elephant. Magugate and Malamigate are the two most recent high profile corruption cases trending. Aso Rock is now ground zero for open robbing of the Nigeria Treasury.

Corruption is here to stay. Our political system is run by whales and sharks of corruption. Corruption is Nigeria’s own pandemic virus deadlier than COVID-19. As to the corruption virus, there is no vaccine in the foreseeable future. 

Corruption has become the bedrock of our country’s visionary evils. I believe President Muhammadu Buhari should create a Ministry of Corruption and appoint a cabinet minister with the title “Minister for wholesale looting of Nigeria.” The minister will need no senate confirmation because he’s going to make looting of the treasury easier for members of the National Assembly as well as other ministers and heads of federal ministries and agencies. The minister will be responsible only to the president.

The minister must be a Fulani, a police officer, high school dropout, and a Muslim. He must have had extensive experience working with pro-graft agencies that specialize in treasury looting, budget padding, money laundering, certificate forgery, fake single treasury account operations, pension scam, and re-looting of recovered loot from looters.

The minister must be highly skilled in how to inflate contracts, selling of government properties such as vehicles and houses, and other related fraudulent schemes. He’ll also be the coordinating minister for all forms of looting in the federal government. For him to discharge his duties faithfully, effectively, and efficiently without fear or favour, he should be granted immunity from any prosecution. This is how Buhari can win the fight against corruption.

By appointing a minister for wholesale looting of Nigeria, Buhari will shape his legacy. Buhari is what survives him.

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